Walk on Water

9:50 AM

It was the most difficult decision I had to make.

It began last December when the management called us for a meeting on the company's new directive to establish a Customer Care Center, a non-threatening name for a call center catering to all of the mother company's projects. I immediately wanted to resign. I felt demoted and limited than I already was in my current function for a specific brand. Even though they were enticing us with the thought of being promoted as Team Leaders, I remained unwavered. I also had this violent reaction in my head, "Is this what I will still be doing for the next five years? Of course not! I can do so much more than just answering e-mails and calls of clients." These thoughts branched out further, including wanting challenge to my intellectual capabilities and worrying about my top priorities.

Thus began my search. In about a month, I have sent my CV to around six companies - all closely located in either Ortigas or BGC. I even applied for a management training program for a chain of international hotels! I even fasted and prayed for this during the Prayer and Fasting Week throughout the first week of January. However, day after day, there wasn't a single phone call nor e-mail for an interview. My anxiety consumed me resulting me to pray desperately and read His Word diligently.

Over and over in my Quiet Time with the Lord, He gives me the same answer, "Wait. I am already at work." Like a four-year-old child grumbling and stomping her feet, I replied, "How long do I have to wait, Lord? It's nearly February, when all my commitments will start, and I still haven't even received any feedback on my applications! Lord, I'm panicking here!" And then, like a loving Father patting me on the head, He tours me through stories of the great men in faith. I tried to keep still and keep on praying.

This mindset remained until the beginning of the OVERFLOW Leadership Conference this 2015. I even came with confidence that God will answer me there. In Rev. Edmund Chan's message of being empowered to overflow, God deeply convicted me of my selfishness and narrow-mindedness. I had been anchoring my fulfillment on my career, on my future, when my only source of fulfillment should be God. I limited myself to the ministry I have in church when the harvest is already where I am. For the past weeks when I felt He wasn't answering, He was but I was to blind to know what it is. God's answer to my prayer is that I was praying for the wrong thing. Instead of changing my job, He changed my heart.

God didn't give me a solution. Instead, He gave me a challenge. The day before the conference, my supervisory and I had a talk and she expressed her sadness in keeping our concerns to ourselves. She was welcome to accept any concerns and will do her best to endorse them to the higher management. I saw this as a window of opportunity and simply stated the concerns I had. She couldn't guarantee approval, yet she will do her part in endorsing. I was supposed to write a letter formally expressing my Christian convictions, but before I even prepared one, my supervisor and my group head allowed me to retain my regular schedule from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday-Friday. God was truly amazing!

However, things began taking a different turn when my supervisor had been constantly experiencing vertigo and loss of consciousness. This forced her to turn in her resignation effective by the end of March. Prior to her leaving, I had the opportunity to spend time with her. In our talk, she neither discouraged nor encouraged me to leave. She knew that I could do more than what I am capable of doing and her fear is that as I grow older in the industry, my value would diminish.

The thought lingered even after she left, and a new supervisor took her place. I still did my best in my job and tried to work along well with the others. It paid off when by mid-April, I was offered to be one of the Team Leads. However, I declined the offer. It didn't mean that I was running away from responsibility, but being in position and going through monthly rounds of shifting schedules would definitely take a toll on my spiritual growth and other commitments. It was an unspoken vow - that I will never ever compromise my faith in God. Also, it was that time when God finally blessed me with people to disciple and it is my commitment to take care of them. Then, I knew I was at the breaking point.

After another round of personal prayer and fasting, and seeking godly counsel from mother and people who have experienced the same, God answered. However, this time it was different. He led me to different verses in the Bible like Matthew 10:29-31 (NLT):
29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.
 and Matthew 14:27-31 (NLT):
27 But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”
28 Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
29 “Yes, come,” Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
31 Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”
Just like how Jesus invited Peter to walk on water, He wanted me to take that step of faith. He wanted me to fully rely on Him - His character and not on what He has given. Surely, God has blessed me with a job and I am grateful. But if He wants to take it away for me to spend time with Him, will I let Him? I have financial responsibilities inside the home and I am so frightened of not being able to pay nor contribute to the family's needs.

But in the end, I surrendered. When I handed my resignation letter, I felt an indescribable peace in my heart. Sure it was nerve-wrecking explaining everything to the management, but I was already assured of my decision to leave. (They were even disappointed I had to leave already because they were already planning a Communications department with my name in mind.)

It has been more than two weeks since I've officially said my goodbyes to my former company. I am still sending my resume to different companies, and waiting for their positive replies. I am also currently taking up an online certificate course on Corporate Communication as a preparation and struggling to find part-time work. My funds are running low, but my faith continues to be on high. I have the privilege of having meaningful and lengthy quiet times with the Lord and explore more volunteer opportunities for His kingdom.

I do not know until exactly when I will remain unemployed. But until that time comes, I will continue to walk on water.