I was getting anxious.I was feeling insecure.I was becoming desperate.
Another set of days and weeks went by and there were some that progressed. A number of companies invited me for interviews and written examinations, but I never made it passed the initial screening. What hurt me was that they all seemed to be positive. From one company to the next, I kept on thinking, "This could be it, Lord," but not an e-mail, call or text message was received.
My pride was shattered, and I was on the brink of doubting God and His promises.
Realizing this, the more I clung tightly on God's Word. My mind became susceptible to lies that God didn't care about me, that He really didn't had my best interest in mind, and that I am worthless. I remember crying to God that day asking for His forgiveness and banishing any negative thoughts that were not according to His character.
Another job offer came and I reached the final interview.
I patiently waited.
On September 3, I received a phone call from a company, who I totally forgot I sent my resume to. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to it anymore because I was already sold to the company I mentioned earlier. Still, I went the following day. And on September 4, I was accepted.
Surprisingly, the thought of being accepted didn't sink in. Because I was so used to getting rejected, the feeling of being accepted in the job sounded foreign. And I didn't cry! I was completely stunned! All I kept saying that day was, "God, You're amazing!"
Looking back at those three jobless months, I thought of three things:
Looking back at those three jobless months, I thought of three things:
- I realized that I was unknowingly anchoring my identity on my career, not in Christ. Even though I was faithfully serving Him and studying about Him, I didn't know that I was using all of those to hide the pain that I felt. I wasn't completely honest with myself.
- I also realized that I didn't completely let go of my career dream. I had all of these conditions listed when I pray, when God is perfectly capable of answering MORE than what I've prayed for (a Christian company, a 10-minute walk away from my house, and tasks that tap my creative, administrative, and relational sides).
- Lastly, He is ABSOLUTELY FAITHFUL. His only condition was for me to exercise the same faithfulness to Him as well.
In Matthew 14:22-23, Peter attempted to come near to Christ when he saw Him walking on water. Terrified at the gush of the wind and sight of the waves, he lost his focus and began to sink. Jesus saved him, but asked him why he doubted Him. I could have sunk rock bottom, if I wasn't assured that He "causes all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28). However, I battled to stay focused on Him and prayed unceasingly to Him. And here I am, in awe of what He has done and what He will continue to do in my life.
