You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.(Psalm 30:11-12)
I was having second thoughts about this second entry. For everyone to get a clear picture, I have to let down the details. I knew my pride is on the line here, but I would rather share God’s faithfulness than save face.
I had a timeline for my life. One aspect is to be able to graduate on time. I didn’t always receive 1’s, but I strived to do my best. Just when I was near the finish line, I fell. It happened on the second semester of my junior year. I failed my thesis proposal subject. I was supposed to only have a year to go, but the unthinkable happened.
I argued with God. I was hurt. I was mad at Him. I even doubted Him. I couldn’t accept the reality. Honestly, it took me a lot of time dealing with my feelings. Then I had a dream one night during the first semester of my senior year. I was in a tunnel, facing towards the direction where light is coming from. However, I was the only one facing that direction. Shadows of people were moving towards the opposite direction. The morning I woke up, I knew it was a prophetic dream. I don’t usually remember what I dream about, but this one is so clear. I could still remember it until this day.
This second semester, I began on a new slate – topic, teacher and attitude. I didn’t want to commit the same mistakes again. When we were assigned to think about our topic, I asked for God’s direction. I was inspired by David’s life story and tried to follow his example. And so far, I can feel that God is with me.
I made an agreement with God while waiting for the first chapter to be returned. If the topic and research problem were formulated according to His will, then God has placed me on the right track. I can be assured that I will earn good grade and will be able to pursue it. When I got my draft back, I was elated. God gave me a grade that was more than I expected.
I cried. I thought of all the days that I was mad at God. But in spite of my bitterness, He rewarded me. He showed His love for me. I felt so unworthy yet so blessed. It’s amazing. Other than the gift of life he gave me 20 years ago, this is the best gift I received for my birthday.
